If you asked me what I do for my livelihood, my response wouldn't be long or filled with glowing terminology and enthusiastic rhetoric. My initial reaction would be to point out the only positive that I can conceive which was the time I spent listening to sermons, lectures, podcasts, etc. while tabulating mindless information with every keystroke. I speak in the past sense because my musical device, my fortress from bored-itude, my cherished ipod sits in a drawer lifeless and useless bearing the battle scars of the infamous red "x". So as I toil these days shuffling from cd to cd interchanging rechargeable batteries as needed, I've recently been driven to cut out the noise altogether and spend time thinking, pondering, musing. Flashes of people and images come into mind as I meander through the inner recesses utilizing the time to pray for needs, contemplate reality, finagle my weekly schedule around often with much brain-wrinkling, and ruminate ideas for new/recent ventures.
The most recent of these ventures happens to be a Redemption Group started by GBC to minister "reconciliation for those who are enslaved to the sin of substance abuse". Now, I am the last person that I expected to be involved with something of this genre relating to spiritual development/counseling. But as I've considered the daunting task over the last few months, I am reminded of why I'm so compelled by urban ministries, why God called me to NE Philadelphia, and how He's continuing to poke holes in my theological balloon.
As we've met as a group preparing for our initial meetings, our continual desire has been for God to be made much of in spite of us, to give us grace and wisdom in bringing others to the knowledge of the gospel, and continuing to see but for the grace of God how I/we could be in the same dire straights as those we counsel. I so often make good things an idol just as a crack-addict does his next fix or an alcoholic the next drink. The goal is to exalt the Savior and rest dependence on Him not an addiction, not an excuse because of environment or heredity, not the ability to "conquer" abuse by following steps and bolster one's self-righteousness. My sin must be viewed properly as my fault, and grace must be completely His doing for "success" and true power over sin/abuse.
Surprisingly in the monotony of my work schedule, I've seen my job evidence this fact. One of my tasks (my main one for the past month), has been to assure the quality (QA) of statistical entries submitted by my co-workers before they're passed to my supervisor. When I originally started the process, I saw myself getting agitated at what I saw to be incompetence on my co-workers part. Often thinking "are you serious?", "what information are you looking at because that is not...?", "were you paying attention during training?", "come on, a trained chimpanzee could do this work", and so and so forth. The problem is I've probably similar or the same mistakes before, and I can't excuse my frustration because another person has inconvenienced me. What if a person I'm counseling that's suffering from a life-entrapping addiction seems to make progress then relapses and continues to spiral downward? What is my reaction going to be? What am I expecting of that person? perfection?
I was reminded of that tonight when Dan and I visited a local recovery group. Though we didn't mesh completely with their methodology, they were teaching Christ and drawing others to depend and rest in Him. Afterward, a member of the group who bore the scars of past addictions shook our hands and shared simple, but deep advice. He said, "have patience with your guys", and I was cut to the core. How true because Christ was and is so very patient with me so much should I be with others.
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