I've typed several drafts to this entry in the last couple of months, but haven't pulled the trigger. It may be my indecisive nature or the nagging fear of something not being perfect. I have that fear when it comes to grad school projects when I work and work and toil only to come up with (in my opinion) as second rate work. Halfway through my 3rd & 4th classes, I've yet to receive a grade less than 100%, but I still continue to fret over it. But this should actually be given to another post at another time.
So, what brings me to finally put thoughts into the interweb. I was reminded this week of several inescapable truths that seemed to permeate my thoughts this week. The most prominent thought being striking realization of the spiritual battle that is being waged on a daily basis in my soul and heart. This truth was made evident earlier this week when a friend of mine had a parent/mother-in-law that passed away suddenly. It was and has been definitely hard for the family, but I've seen the body of Christ wrap their arms around them and loving encourage and support them. I've heard of several instances in the past week where God has given opportunities for the gospel to be presented in ways and venues that wouldn't have been possible without this unfortunate tragedy. I've heard of people asking pointed questions and contemplating God/spirituality/church/scripture who would have otherwise mocked or scorned the mention of it weeks or days before.
I used the words "seen" and "heard" for a poignant yet disturbing purpose because I was not a part of that "active body life" this week. When a family needed encouragement, love, support, grace, and comfort, I was no where to be found. I purposely drove to the church where the visitation was held on Wednesday night to go inside then saw myself not stop the car and keep on driving. The maddening selfishness of my spirit was like bile in my throat. I was/am disgusted with the way that I ignored the Spirit's prompting to satisfy the "easyness" of not embrace community. The insane aspect was my struggle all day over this issue and how I made a "snap" judgment to ignore fellowship around the gospel. One of my initial thought on Wednesday morning was "I wish I could go, but I have school tonight" which was quickly countered with "But class will be over by 8ish and the visitation goes until 9". The battle continued..."I haven't been actively engaging in this relationship/fellowship recently with the family who was affected by the tragedy" which was knocked down by "But you are the church, the redeemed/adopted child of God, and need to be there". This continued from flesh to spirit all day until I decided while sitting in my Instruction & Tech class that I would go and be there for them, fellowship and comfort, pray for and pray with.
Then, I got in the car surprisingly (but not surprisingly, the dialogue continued) and "it's late" and "you haven't eaten yet" and "you're wearing jeans & sandals" and "you really should work on the group project due next week" popped in my head in rapid succession. By the time I drove up to the church, I'd done a complete 180 degree turn to listening and succumbing to the mounting doubts and temptations. Now, I'm writing not just to proclaim my insanity or make it sound like I have voices in my head (well, kinda, but not really), but to share what God benevolently taught and is teaching me now through it.
I screwed up...yes. I failed at ministering grace this week....yup. I gave into doubt & temptation and in the proccess, sinned...definitely. The accusations and doubts of the tempter & my flesh conflicted with my soul & the prompting of the Spirit. I chose to rest in chains of self instead of the freeing, liberating power of a life in tune with God. I doubted the sufficiency of the gospel by not seeing it as preeminent and seeing my momentary gratification as tantamount.
But God was faithful to remind me through reading, praying, worshipping, sermons/podcasts, and encouragement even this morning through a several hour conversation with friends that His finished work on the cross does not lead me to succumb to guilt over past mistakes. The law says "do, do, do" while the cross says "done". I thought the momentary reprise of an awkward situation would be more satisfying than relishing in the hope of the gospel over one of the saints being called home by the Father. I'm holding a weight over myself that the Father doesn't hold against me. The "old man was crucified with him, that the body of sin might be done away, that so we should no longer be in bondage to sin; 7 for he that hath died is justified from sin." (Rom. 6:6-7) He is not displeased with me. He loves and cherishes me in spite of me. I'm reminded of how much He's given so that I don't have to experience spiritual death. He draws me to himself to refine and shape and strengthen my weakness, and my heart is overflowing with gladness and gratitude for the redeeming love that I did nothing to earn.
So, how does this apply today? What do I take away from this instance of weakness then remembrance of the Savior & repentance of sin? God redeemed and adopted me because it gave Him infinite pleasure to be glorified in and through a hopeless sinner being miraculous brought from eternal damnation to everlasting life. So, I am and can be today satisfied with God alone. If I hold on to guilt over forgiven sin, I'm stating that Christ's purchase of me and atonement for my sin debt is of none effect. So, I rest in the Father's work, cherish the Son who restored that fellowship with the Father, and engage with and ask for the Spirit to empower my thinking and guard my heart against doubt.
A certain song has been rushing through my head the past few days and especially today. It was actually referenced in a sermon on "Jesus in the Wilderness: Driven, Tempted, Served" given at Grace Bible this Sunday that so aptly prepared the hearts of a congregation that would be affected by tragedy this week. I love the following phrasing in the first verse (hence the title of this entry): When Satan’s accusations make my poor heart afraid, I hear my King declaring “Father, that debt is paid!” . How can you not rejoice with me? Here's "Jesus, My Only Hope in it's entirety:
I come into Your presence
With nothing in my hands
I only bring thanksgiving
For Jesus, God and Man
I cast myself on mercy
I cast myself on love
I trust Your gracious promise
To wash me with Your blood
I will not fear Your judgment
For me no wrath I dread
For it was spent on Jesus
Poured out upon His head
When Satan’s accusations
Make my poor heart afraid
I hear my King declaring
“Father, that debt is paid!”
CHORUS
Jesus my only hope
My only plea
My righteousness
My Great High Priest
Who intercedes for me
Before the throne
Jesus, I trust in You alone
Though I am poor and naked
Your prodigal come home
You place Your robe upon me
Your holiness alone
Though I be dry and barren
By grace this love springs forth
Love for You and Your Kingdom
Joy in Your glory, Lord
Between Reality & Fantasy
Recently, I've been reminded that I struggle between reality and fantasy. By fantasy, I don't mean a mystical world of wizards, warlocks, and furry-footed hobbits, but grappling with my own flurry of imaginative disarray which leads to reading between the lines. It's a frightening thing when we let our mind get the best of us. We allow ourselves to build up a false reality that must be more "real" than what we're actually interacting with on a regular basis.
I tend to "read into" things on a regular basis especially when it comes to relationships or potential relationships. I think past what is being said to the implied meaning or I accept the "reading between the lines" as equal or greater to what's being said. When someone says they need time to think or don't have the time, I jump to the conclusion that I'm unimportant or being slighted (because in my "fantasy" world, I'm also king).
In my fantasy world, my opinion seems to be the only one that matters but not really. I crave the opinions, accolades, attention, and approval of every subject in my "land of make believe". If you feel differently, I will pout and seek the consoling respite of one of my subjects. I will lavish on them the bountiful travesty of my plight and how I was slighted, misused, abused, and scorned (again, all in my head). And my loyal subjects will heartily agree that my pain & hurt has been "unjustly" poured out on me which leads me to "justly" resent, backbite, slander, and react often with malice and ill-intent. To secure my kingdom and keeping the borders safe from outside attack, an electronic letter or message of mobility will be sent to the potential usurper of my pride.
Ironically, my castle walls still fall down and my pride comes rushing from it's dwelling place in the dungeon to rear it's dastardly head breathing out continuing sobs of pity and emotional contrition. My pride has been dashed against the rocks and wails in anguish, but it is sadly never defeated. I still reign on the throne of my heart and be careful that you don't encroach on my kingdom of self because in my world there is little room for outsiders.
Basically, I'm a horribly, wretched person that sways from degrees of pride to self-adulation and aggrandizement to pitiful, self-loathing debauchery. Sin tries to reign and recently, I've let it. My degrees of discerning the reality from the fiction has cost me dearly in relationships.
But I can't leave here without hope and as Paul when he came to the end of Romans 7 wrestled with the insanity of his wretched soul, I have the same hope even though it often is clouded by my mystical realm of me.
"21I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. 22I love God’s law with all my heart. 23But there is another powere within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. 24Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? 25Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin." NLT
I tend to "read into" things on a regular basis especially when it comes to relationships or potential relationships. I think past what is being said to the implied meaning or I accept the "reading between the lines" as equal or greater to what's being said. When someone says they need time to think or don't have the time, I jump to the conclusion that I'm unimportant or being slighted (because in my "fantasy" world, I'm also king).
In my fantasy world, my opinion seems to be the only one that matters but not really. I crave the opinions, accolades, attention, and approval of every subject in my "land of make believe". If you feel differently, I will pout and seek the consoling respite of one of my subjects. I will lavish on them the bountiful travesty of my plight and how I was slighted, misused, abused, and scorned (again, all in my head). And my loyal subjects will heartily agree that my pain & hurt has been "unjustly" poured out on me which leads me to "justly" resent, backbite, slander, and react often with malice and ill-intent. To secure my kingdom and keeping the borders safe from outside attack, an electronic letter or message of mobility will be sent to the potential usurper of my pride.
Ironically, my castle walls still fall down and my pride comes rushing from it's dwelling place in the dungeon to rear it's dastardly head breathing out continuing sobs of pity and emotional contrition. My pride has been dashed against the rocks and wails in anguish, but it is sadly never defeated. I still reign on the throne of my heart and be careful that you don't encroach on my kingdom of self because in my world there is little room for outsiders.
Basically, I'm a horribly, wretched person that sways from degrees of pride to self-adulation and aggrandizement to pitiful, self-loathing debauchery. Sin tries to reign and recently, I've let it. My degrees of discerning the reality from the fiction has cost me dearly in relationships.
But I can't leave here without hope and as Paul when he came to the end of Romans 7 wrestled with the insanity of his wretched soul, I have the same hope even though it often is clouded by my mystical realm of me.
"21I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. 22I love God’s law with all my heart. 23But there is another powere within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. 24Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? 25Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin." NLT
a lot of prodigals
Seems to be a constant theme from the multiple facebook shares of this video...which is stellar (and the repeat showing at the NEXT conference):
to reading Prodigal God by Tim Keller last month to see the real (primary) Prodigal as the Father relentlessly & recklessly pursuing His children...
to replaying "The Prodigal" over & over again the last couple of weeks (which the video/song is from) from "Sons & Daughters" by Sovereign Grace Music which is one of their best...and that's saying something.
to a great reminder last night in group redemption as we reached Luke 15 and covered it yet again.
Seems God is trying to get a few things across to me/us...we are never too far from His grace, we are not condemned by our sin if we are found in Him, and we can try to find fulfillment in many things (wealth, possessions, relationships), but they never satisfy in a way only He can.
Btw, check out the NEXT sermons, pics, worship lineup/purposes for certain songs, and a couple of great articles/songs from Bob Kauflin on battling sin/lust & living with disabilities all from Memorial Day weekend...they're so good...more on that later.
to reading Prodigal God by Tim Keller last month to see the real (primary) Prodigal as the Father relentlessly & recklessly pursuing His children...
to replaying "The Prodigal" over & over again the last couple of weeks (which the video/song is from) from "Sons & Daughters" by Sovereign Grace Music which is one of their best...and that's saying something.
to a great reminder last night in group redemption as we reached Luke 15 and covered it yet again.
Seems God is trying to get a few things across to me/us...we are never too far from His grace, we are not condemned by our sin if we are found in Him, and we can try to find fulfillment in many things (wealth, possessions, relationships), but they never satisfy in a way only He can.
Btw, check out the NEXT sermons, pics, worship lineup/purposes for certain songs, and a couple of great articles/songs from Bob Kauflin on battling sin/lust & living with disabilities all from Memorial Day weekend...they're so good...more on that later.
Coming to the end of myself
As a teacher, I tried to instill repetition into my students. Repetition of task, review of subject matter, and consistency in discipline were ways to help them stay on task, recognize/remember subject matter, and know boundaries/limitations in the classroom.
As a human, I repeat the same failures, hardly study or learn independently, and discipline is vaguely existent in my life. I have to admit the last 4 months have been the most encouraging, challenging, and stretching months in my 26 years.
I've changed some bad habits, made new friendships, strengthened old friendships, made life-altering decisions, made some terrible mistakes, grown in love for God, mistrusted God and taken Him for granted, not followed through on promises, been there when a friend needed me, needed someone to talk to and couldn't find anybody, received encouragement or rebuke when I desperately needed it, and read into things that weren't based on truth.
This past week two friends on two separate occasions gave me the following verses which though familiar hit me like a ton of bricks. God gave me exactly what I needed to remind me that He's sufficient, that I can't rest in myself, and where my confidence must rest.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.
Be not wise in your own eyes;
fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.
It will be healing to your flesh
and refreshment to your bones." - Proverbs 3:5-8
At first my mind tried to wrap around the concept that I could trust him by just trying to get there on my own. I could read more and know more about Him. Intellectual assent is not what He wants, but a settled confidence in His care and faithfulness to His Word. Recently, I've been looking to fulfill my own desires and wanting God to rubber-stamp what I want. I've been "wise in my own eyes". I love the last verse of the section because it gives a practical, tangible result to fearing God and trusting in His ways instead of ours, and that result is peace as our will is submitted to His will. As my wants and desires are for Him and Him alone, I will see Him direct and lead not according to my pattern or way of thinking, but in a way only He could have directed. So in occupation, time management, relationships, service, God has to be trusted and believed to be more fulfilling than a wife, more sufficient than the paying off my debt, more pleasurable than fleeting, temporal joys, and more desirable than anything this world can offer.
So, I fall on His mercy to refresh and His grace to release me from guilt. I used to live as though just the results were up to God, but it's a daily, moment-by-moment sacrifice of my will as Romans 12:1 so aptly puts it. I need Him and nothing else, and I know He'll come through on His promise to "make straight my paths" and provided "healing to my flesh" and nourishment to my bones". The question remains if I'll be continually leaning on my own understanding or trusting the one who's given me understanding in the first place. I'm praying for the latter.
As a human, I repeat the same failures, hardly study or learn independently, and discipline is vaguely existent in my life. I have to admit the last 4 months have been the most encouraging, challenging, and stretching months in my 26 years.
I've changed some bad habits, made new friendships, strengthened old friendships, made life-altering decisions, made some terrible mistakes, grown in love for God, mistrusted God and taken Him for granted, not followed through on promises, been there when a friend needed me, needed someone to talk to and couldn't find anybody, received encouragement or rebuke when I desperately needed it, and read into things that weren't based on truth.
This past week two friends on two separate occasions gave me the following verses which though familiar hit me like a ton of bricks. God gave me exactly what I needed to remind me that He's sufficient, that I can't rest in myself, and where my confidence must rest.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.
Be not wise in your own eyes;
fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.
It will be healing to your flesh
and refreshment to your bones." - Proverbs 3:5-8
At first my mind tried to wrap around the concept that I could trust him by just trying to get there on my own. I could read more and know more about Him. Intellectual assent is not what He wants, but a settled confidence in His care and faithfulness to His Word. Recently, I've been looking to fulfill my own desires and wanting God to rubber-stamp what I want. I've been "wise in my own eyes". I love the last verse of the section because it gives a practical, tangible result to fearing God and trusting in His ways instead of ours, and that result is peace as our will is submitted to His will. As my wants and desires are for Him and Him alone, I will see Him direct and lead not according to my pattern or way of thinking, but in a way only He could have directed. So in occupation, time management, relationships, service, God has to be trusted and believed to be more fulfilling than a wife, more sufficient than the paying off my debt, more pleasurable than fleeting, temporal joys, and more desirable than anything this world can offer.
So, I fall on His mercy to refresh and His grace to release me from guilt. I used to live as though just the results were up to God, but it's a daily, moment-by-moment sacrifice of my will as Romans 12:1 so aptly puts it. I need Him and nothing else, and I know He'll come through on His promise to "make straight my paths" and provided "healing to my flesh" and nourishment to my bones". The question remains if I'll be continually leaning on my own understanding or trusting the one who's given me understanding in the first place. I'm praying for the latter.
He pursues us and rejoices over the repentent
With a holy and benevolent affection, God pursues us like a distraught lover. I was reminded today of God's jealousy over me parallels my jealousy for the affection of another. Though my affections are finite and frail and prone to selfishness, God's are holy and pure as He fights for me every day. I'm learning that pride can hamper not only relationships with people, but most importantly with God. If I don't see my sin as an offense against a righteous God, I'm saying God's sacrifice is not enough to cover that sin and I fall into idolatry because I want to keep this sin as my own...it's what I come to treasure.
I was blown away by Luke 15 today as I pondered the idea of repentance. God rejoices, as well as the angels, when we turn from sin to a holy God. I love the picture of the shepherd who pursues the sheep who's willfully wandered off. He rejoices over me...but I'm the one who went away to do my own thing. My first reaction is God should scold and correct, but He doesn't...he, like the shepherd & the woman who lost the coin, proclaims it all.
The prodigal son rebukes me on a daily basis as I see myself demanding from God what I believe is entitled to me then squandering it on "reckless living". I often live with the pigs instead of rejoicing in the fellowship of the Father. But God pursues us (and oh how thankful I am for that) and embraces and kisses us when we ran the opposite direction.
As well, I see myself in the perspective of the older brother who judges afar off and is not willing to accept the prodigal brother (though the Father has embraced him with open arms) because I'm so wrapped up in myself and what I believe grace/mercy should look like. But even to us "older brothers", the Father still extends grace...God saw the anger of the older brother but still invited him to the feast. He says "all that is mine is yours", and that baffles me, but I'm grateful for it.
Today, I saw both the fruits of regeneration in others that brought rejoicing to my lips (prodigals coming home & celebrating) and the contempt for others that brought judgment and jealousy (the older brother). Can there be more polar opposites can come from the same lips? So as a "prodigal" and an "older brother", I fall at the Father's feet forever grateful that He jealously pursues me and that I'm found in Him celebrating continuously as I accept other "prodigals" and "older brothers" into the feast.
I was blown away by Luke 15 today as I pondered the idea of repentance. God rejoices, as well as the angels, when we turn from sin to a holy God. I love the picture of the shepherd who pursues the sheep who's willfully wandered off. He rejoices over me...but I'm the one who went away to do my own thing. My first reaction is God should scold and correct, but He doesn't...he, like the shepherd & the woman who lost the coin, proclaims it all.
The prodigal son rebukes me on a daily basis as I see myself demanding from God what I believe is entitled to me then squandering it on "reckless living". I often live with the pigs instead of rejoicing in the fellowship of the Father. But God pursues us (and oh how thankful I am for that) and embraces and kisses us when we ran the opposite direction.
As well, I see myself in the perspective of the older brother who judges afar off and is not willing to accept the prodigal brother (though the Father has embraced him with open arms) because I'm so wrapped up in myself and what I believe grace/mercy should look like. But even to us "older brothers", the Father still extends grace...God saw the anger of the older brother but still invited him to the feast. He says "all that is mine is yours", and that baffles me, but I'm grateful for it.
Today, I saw both the fruits of regeneration in others that brought rejoicing to my lips (prodigals coming home & celebrating) and the contempt for others that brought judgment and jealousy (the older brother). Can there be more polar opposites can come from the same lips? So as a "prodigal" and an "older brother", I fall at the Father's feet forever grateful that He jealously pursues me and that I'm found in Him celebrating continuously as I accept other "prodigals" and "older brothers" into the feast.
God works through our work (but we have to work)
I missed sitting in on Sunday's message (which was okay b/c one of the highlights of my month is teaching 3-5yr old Grace4Kids), but I burned a copy and have since listened to it thricely (it's a new word...look it up Webster). Psalm 127 was the passage, but I had no idea of the behind whooping I was about to receive from vs. 1-2. Two little verses that open up a gamut of Scriptural passages and principles applying to my current state.
Needless to say I've been a slacker most of my life. I've skated by on just enough because it was just enough to get by. I'm one of those guys who would skim his notes right before a test and get an A...one of those guys you probably love(d) to hate. I never really had to work for much, and my motivation for excelling has been non-existent. I hate to admit, but even in relation to spiritual things I figured I could coast on the grace given upon conversion, but never really relying on Future Grace (plug for one of my favorite books ever!)
So, this struggle became evident a couple months back as I saw myself coasting through a tedious job (which I'm grateful for don't get me wrong...but completely teeedddiiiouuusss), sitting on my hands when it came to preparing for possible teaching opportunities, and not looking (at all) for other career opportunities (job areas were just one arena, but provide the best example). That laziness came to a tipping point this past week when (b/c of work closings) I came face to face with not being able to pay my bills for the first time ever. I've always been able to finagle finances around to come out alright and sometimes even, but to not be able provide brought me to the end of myself. I'd always trusted in myself to provide (with maybe a lingering thought to the actual Provider), but when I couldn't...who do you think I went running to? 'Bout time.
My last post was alluding to this, but I hesitant to bring those things out because its just not something people talk about...but since this blog is all about "brooding over benevolence" I have to be specific in how God is working. So I had to bring those things out to someone, and I'm thankful for the wisdom of a certain godly man in my church who sat down with me, gave me prudent counsel, helped me lay down my goals and how to achieve them, and steps to take now to get myself out of the current hole. Talk about humbling...finances have always been something I've been able to "manage", but in many Christian subcultures you don't bring it up. I'm thankful God brought it to my heart and enabled me to share...we don't do this enough...but it's amazing the peace that comes from the Spirit when we're open and honest.
So, how does this apply to the message...God works through our work in building His Kingdom, in building up faith, and in building up each other (which sometimes may be painful). If God brought me to the city to labor for the kingdom and exhort the body, why was I doing such a lackluster job at it? If God had given me the passion and enablement to teach, then why wasn't I? If God had given me the ability to get of my keester and provide for my financial state (and my current employment is not doing that), then what am I still doing sitting here?
So, per God's grace and wise counsel...I'm on the road to being certified to teach in PA (met w/an advisor today at HFU...just gotta take the tests and finish the application process), took a test tonight to work part-time as an enumerator for the Census Bureau (got a good score...so the ball should start rolling on that soon), and working on some personal loan stuff that should consolidate/eventually eliminate my debt.
It's amazing to see the change in my heart, motives, and attitude about a self-induced, slipshod (alright...this actually is a word...look it up) situation. It's completely an evidence of grace as I start to see God working through my work...imagine that. And finally, I know I did a subpar job of describing the message on Sunday...listen to it here, subscribe on itunes, or I'll burn you a copy...it's that important. Grace and Peace.
Nate
Needless to say I've been a slacker most of my life. I've skated by on just enough because it was just enough to get by. I'm one of those guys who would skim his notes right before a test and get an A...one of those guys you probably love(d) to hate. I never really had to work for much, and my motivation for excelling has been non-existent. I hate to admit, but even in relation to spiritual things I figured I could coast on the grace given upon conversion, but never really relying on Future Grace (plug for one of my favorite books ever!)
So, this struggle became evident a couple months back as I saw myself coasting through a tedious job (which I'm grateful for don't get me wrong...but completely teeedddiiiouuusss), sitting on my hands when it came to preparing for possible teaching opportunities, and not looking (at all) for other career opportunities (job areas were just one arena, but provide the best example). That laziness came to a tipping point this past week when (b/c of work closings) I came face to face with not being able to pay my bills for the first time ever. I've always been able to finagle finances around to come out alright and sometimes even, but to not be able provide brought me to the end of myself. I'd always trusted in myself to provide (with maybe a lingering thought to the actual Provider), but when I couldn't...who do you think I went running to? 'Bout time.
My last post was alluding to this, but I hesitant to bring those things out because its just not something people talk about...but since this blog is all about "brooding over benevolence" I have to be specific in how God is working. So I had to bring those things out to someone, and I'm thankful for the wisdom of a certain godly man in my church who sat down with me, gave me prudent counsel, helped me lay down my goals and how to achieve them, and steps to take now to get myself out of the current hole. Talk about humbling...finances have always been something I've been able to "manage", but in many Christian subcultures you don't bring it up. I'm thankful God brought it to my heart and enabled me to share...we don't do this enough...but it's amazing the peace that comes from the Spirit when we're open and honest.
So, how does this apply to the message...God works through our work in building His Kingdom, in building up faith, and in building up each other (which sometimes may be painful). If God brought me to the city to labor for the kingdom and exhort the body, why was I doing such a lackluster job at it? If God had given me the passion and enablement to teach, then why wasn't I? If God had given me the ability to get of my keester and provide for my financial state (and my current employment is not doing that), then what am I still doing sitting here?
So, per God's grace and wise counsel...I'm on the road to being certified to teach in PA (met w/an advisor today at HFU...just gotta take the tests and finish the application process), took a test tonight to work part-time as an enumerator for the Census Bureau (got a good score...so the ball should start rolling on that soon), and working on some personal loan stuff that should consolidate/eventually eliminate my debt.
It's amazing to see the change in my heart, motives, and attitude about a self-induced, slipshod (alright...this actually is a word...look it up) situation. It's completely an evidence of grace as I start to see God working through my work...imagine that. And finally, I know I did a subpar job of describing the message on Sunday...listen to it here, subscribe on itunes, or I'll burn you a copy...it's that important. Grace and Peace.
Nate
He's Always Been Faithful
"If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that"...my brother texted me something similar to this earlier in the week and through continual struggles, doubts, indecisions, and worries that have been creeping into my consciousness this past week God has been faithful to bring this to mind over and over. I don't know the future, and I have no security in what tomorrow will bring (save God's sovereign nature).
I'm grateful how God has used this for me and even allowed me to share this morsel of grace to others. As I wrestle with concerns about tomorrow and provision for today, I'm being graciously comforted by the Holy Spirit that no matter the trial, pain, or test that is all my Hope and Trust. I'm thankful for the help, insight, wisdom, and graciousness of others to listen to my plight and seek to bear my burden in prayer and tangible ways.
I'm overwhelmed by Paul's benediction at the end of his letter to the church in Philippi where he expresses the graciousness of the Father to breed contentment in his heart no matter the circumstance (vs. 11-12), to trust in God as his source of strength in serving others (vs. 13), and to rest the Philippian congregation's assurance in Christ as the provider of their needs (vs. 19).
I was also encouraged by a faithful friend this past week to seek joy in suffering (Rom 5:3-5) which I didn't consider for my situation, but I am truly rejoicing in God's ability to use this momentary trial to stretch and shape me into the person He's make me to be.
I know it is no coincidence when God brings people, initiates conversations, provides poignant reading, and utilizes even my car stereo to remind me of where my trust needs to rest. I was listening to "You Have Always Been Faithful" from SGM and went online to find the lyrics, but came across this song by Sara Groves instead which is an old hymn put with new words, but an unchanging truth that "He's Always Been Faithful".
Morning by morning I wake up to find
the power and comfort of God's hand in mine.
Season by season I watch him amazed, in
awe of the mystery of his perfect ways
All I have need of his hand will provide.
He's always been faithful to me
I can't remember a trial or a pain he did
not recycle to bring me gain. I can't
remember one single regret in serving
God only and trusting his hand
All I have need of his hand will provide.
He's always been faithful to me
This is my anthem, this is my song, the
theme of the stories I've heard for so long.
God has been faithful, he will be again.
His loving compassion, it knows no end.
All I have need of his hand will provide.
He's always been faithful to me
I'm grateful how God has used this for me and even allowed me to share this morsel of grace to others. As I wrestle with concerns about tomorrow and provision for today, I'm being graciously comforted by the Holy Spirit that no matter the trial, pain, or test that is all my Hope and Trust. I'm thankful for the help, insight, wisdom, and graciousness of others to listen to my plight and seek to bear my burden in prayer and tangible ways.
I'm overwhelmed by Paul's benediction at the end of his letter to the church in Philippi where he expresses the graciousness of the Father to breed contentment in his heart no matter the circumstance (vs. 11-12), to trust in God as his source of strength in serving others (vs. 13), and to rest the Philippian congregation's assurance in Christ as the provider of their needs (vs. 19).
I was also encouraged by a faithful friend this past week to seek joy in suffering (Rom 5:3-5) which I didn't consider for my situation, but I am truly rejoicing in God's ability to use this momentary trial to stretch and shape me into the person He's make me to be.
I know it is no coincidence when God brings people, initiates conversations, provides poignant reading, and utilizes even my car stereo to remind me of where my trust needs to rest. I was listening to "You Have Always Been Faithful" from SGM and went online to find the lyrics, but came across this song by Sara Groves instead which is an old hymn put with new words, but an unchanging truth that "He's Always Been Faithful".
Morning by morning I wake up to find
the power and comfort of God's hand in mine.
Season by season I watch him amazed, in
awe of the mystery of his perfect ways
All I have need of his hand will provide.
He's always been faithful to me
I can't remember a trial or a pain he did
not recycle to bring me gain. I can't
remember one single regret in serving
God only and trusting his hand
All I have need of his hand will provide.
He's always been faithful to me
This is my anthem, this is my song, the
theme of the stories I've heard for so long.
God has been faithful, he will be again.
His loving compassion, it knows no end.
All I have need of his hand will provide.
He's always been faithful to me
Another day off...still brooding
As I thought about writing a new post (which I'm sadly reverting to my old days of keeping "current"), this song came on my itunes through a "random" happening (I quote random b/c nothing is random). It sums up my brooding thoughts today...so glad I've been forgiven (not just once, but continually) and I've been adopted as a child by the God of the universe never to taste the wrath of my just "reward".
"Always Forgiven"
I don’t deserve to be Your servant
And how much less to be Your child
Anger and wrath, sure condemnation
Should be my portion, my just reward
Never have seen it, never will know it
Your lovingkindness enfolds my life
All You have shown me is
Grace, love and mercy
Now and forever I am Your child
Freely You pour out
Your lovingkindness
Father of grace
You welcome me in
All of the sin I have committed
Was placed upon Your righteous Son
And now You see me
Through His perfection
As if I’d never done any wrong
Always forgiven, always accepted
No fear of judgment
Before Your throne
Always Forgiven by Jonathan and Ryan Baird
Sovereign Grace Worship
I say this isn't a random occurrence as well b/c I just started Ephesians today, and if you're family with vs. 1-14 then you know this fit more perfect than I could have planned. And as I look at the snow covering everything in a blanket of pure white (not so pure in some spots...this is the city), I'm reminded of that forgiveness "which he lavished upon us...to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth." Powerful...powerful stuff, and how can I not reflect on it.
The view from my Arrott Suite...and still coming down. Glad I got to spend a portion of my day watching the snow fall while I drank tea and meditated...very profitable day off.
And just for fun...your *moment* of *common grace*
"Always Forgiven"
I don’t deserve to be Your servant
And how much less to be Your child
Anger and wrath, sure condemnation
Should be my portion, my just reward
Never have seen it, never will know it
Your lovingkindness enfolds my life
All You have shown me is
Grace, love and mercy
Now and forever I am Your child
Freely You pour out
Your lovingkindness
Father of grace
You welcome me in
All of the sin I have committed
Was placed upon Your righteous Son
And now You see me
Through His perfection
As if I’d never done any wrong
Always forgiven, always accepted
No fear of judgment
Before Your throne
Always Forgiven by Jonathan and Ryan Baird
Sovereign Grace Worship
I say this isn't a random occurrence as well b/c I just started Ephesians today, and if you're family with vs. 1-14 then you know this fit more perfect than I could have planned. And as I look at the snow covering everything in a blanket of pure white (not so pure in some spots...this is the city), I'm reminded of that forgiveness "which he lavished upon us...to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth." Powerful...powerful stuff, and how can I not reflect on it.
The view from my Arrott Suite...and still coming down. Glad I got to spend a portion of my day watching the snow fall while I drank tea and meditated...very profitable day off.
And just for fun...your *moment* of *common grace*
"The Lord surrounds his people"
I say it every sabbath...but I can't say it enough. I enjoy the communion and fellowship of redemptive community (I couldn't have always said it, but I'm thankful that at this time in my life I can).
From pre-service morning prayer focusing on Eph. 2:1-10 and the mercy of God that ripped into my life when I was "dead in our (my) trespasses, made us (me) alive together with Christ". I can't say enough how the Spirit uses His Word to break open a heart and refresh, renew, convict, and rejuvenate for a morning of life-worship.
To greeting, which I'm not so good at...but I enjoy. In all honesty, it would not have been my first option as a means of service, but I look forward to it every time I do it. I'm not the most extroverted persons and to be able to see people when they first walk in church to greet them, know their name, maybe reflect on grace in the past week, or tell them you've been praying for them (and that being true)...this is not something I grew up with people. Me doing this and being excited about is an evidence of grace.
To ushering, somebody's gotta do it...and again I enjoy it. It may seem menial or insignificant, but it's a tool (monetary offering) to further the kingdom in proclaiming the gospel in NE Philly and around the world. Doing security during the service (which basically means you sit in the foyer, make a couple "security checks" during the service, and watch for shady characters trying to come in and disrupt (which they've definitely done before...true story)) which still allows me to listen, but I'm happy to do it. I honestly never thought it would be such a joy to minister in these ways in a church...I always it would be as it had been...teaching the kids, singing in the choir, being on the bible quiz (haha...just kidding, but seriously this is a whole 'nother blog post), etc.
To the passage/sermon, which I've been making a habit of reading/meditating on before the service the past few weeks. I know it means waking up early which if anyone knows me is not an easy task. Today's sermon was Psalm 125 in the series of "Songs of Ascent". I'll give a quick low down & hope it's a blessing:
3 evidences of humble confidence when we trust in the Lord
1.) When we trust in the Lord, we will experience a confident stability (vs. 1)
*Like Mt Zion where God's people worshiped, God assures his
people that when they trust (even though they were
undeserving) they are cared for by God who has chosen them.
*We can always count on God to be our deliverer (from
temptation), provider (salvation/basic needs), protector (from
the evil one), Shepherd (cares & guides continually), & King
(rules over me through His Word).
2.) When we trust in the Lord, we experience a confident security
(vs. 2-3)
*Security comes through God who is our protector
*God's assurance is those who exercise ungodly authority over
His people will not rule long.
*God is promising that these rulers with a "scepter of
wickedness" will not torment God's people, but they can be
confident in the fact that they are surrounded by the Lord.
3.) When we trust in the Lord, we will experience a confident ability to pray (vs. 4-5)
*Resting in the promise that God will do good to His people,
and they should lift up confident prayers of provision,
protection, deliverance, etc.
*Through Christ, He opened access to the Father (an assurance
of blessing)
*Because of the "community language" in vs. 4 that gives us a
legitimate & necessary way to pray for each other in the body.
Definitely not a complete exposition & I barely gave my application, but good stuff from the Lord by using Ian this morning. Which I have to brag on him a little because the Lord has been so gracious by bringing me here to GBC and being so spoiled by awesome expository, Spirit-filled preaching...He is so kind in that way.
And finally to our family meeting which is not like typical "business meetings" in churches I've previously attended, but continues the fellowship aspect while allowing the body to participate in the vision for the Church. And with a lot of exciting things coming down the pike, I continued to rejoice over the Lord's gracious provision to this body of believers in NE Philly and how He'll continue to work.
Well, that was a lie...finally, to Table Talk which starts in about 25 minutes. A time for guys from GBC to reflect on the mercy and grace of the Father through caring for each others souls, stirring up to good works, admonishing/instructing in the Word, and enjoying great coffee at the best coffee shop in NE Philly (yeh, I'm partial...but I gotta give a plug to Great Awakenings...check it out if you've got a chance b/c you'll enjoy it (especially for those on the West coast...you know who you are :) )). Grace & Peace.
From pre-service morning prayer focusing on Eph. 2:1-10 and the mercy of God that ripped into my life when I was "dead in our (my) trespasses, made us (me) alive together with Christ". I can't say enough how the Spirit uses His Word to break open a heart and refresh, renew, convict, and rejuvenate for a morning of life-worship.
To greeting, which I'm not so good at...but I enjoy. In all honesty, it would not have been my first option as a means of service, but I look forward to it every time I do it. I'm not the most extroverted persons and to be able to see people when they first walk in church to greet them, know their name, maybe reflect on grace in the past week, or tell them you've been praying for them (and that being true)...this is not something I grew up with people. Me doing this and being excited about is an evidence of grace.
To ushering, somebody's gotta do it...and again I enjoy it. It may seem menial or insignificant, but it's a tool (monetary offering) to further the kingdom in proclaiming the gospel in NE Philly and around the world. Doing security during the service (which basically means you sit in the foyer, make a couple "security checks" during the service, and watch for shady characters trying to come in and disrupt (which they've definitely done before...true story)) which still allows me to listen, but I'm happy to do it. I honestly never thought it would be such a joy to minister in these ways in a church...I always it would be as it had been...teaching the kids, singing in the choir, being on the bible quiz (haha...just kidding, but seriously this is a whole 'nother blog post), etc.
To the passage/sermon, which I've been making a habit of reading/meditating on before the service the past few weeks. I know it means waking up early which if anyone knows me is not an easy task. Today's sermon was Psalm 125 in the series of "Songs of Ascent". I'll give a quick low down & hope it's a blessing:
3 evidences of humble confidence when we trust in the Lord
1.) When we trust in the Lord, we will experience a confident stability (vs. 1)
*Like Mt Zion where God's people worshiped, God assures his
people that when they trust (even though they were
undeserving) they are cared for by God who has chosen them.
*We can always count on God to be our deliverer (from
temptation), provider (salvation/basic needs), protector (from
the evil one), Shepherd (cares & guides continually), & King
(rules over me through His Word).
2.) When we trust in the Lord, we experience a confident security
(vs. 2-3)
*Security comes through God who is our protector
*God's assurance is those who exercise ungodly authority over
His people will not rule long.
*God is promising that these rulers with a "scepter of
wickedness" will not torment God's people, but they can be
confident in the fact that they are surrounded by the Lord.
3.) When we trust in the Lord, we will experience a confident ability to pray (vs. 4-5)
*Resting in the promise that God will do good to His people,
and they should lift up confident prayers of provision,
protection, deliverance, etc.
*Through Christ, He opened access to the Father (an assurance
of blessing)
*Because of the "community language" in vs. 4 that gives us a
legitimate & necessary way to pray for each other in the body.
Definitely not a complete exposition & I barely gave my application, but good stuff from the Lord by using Ian this morning. Which I have to brag on him a little because the Lord has been so gracious by bringing me here to GBC and being so spoiled by awesome expository, Spirit-filled preaching...He is so kind in that way.
And finally to our family meeting which is not like typical "business meetings" in churches I've previously attended, but continues the fellowship aspect while allowing the body to participate in the vision for the Church. And with a lot of exciting things coming down the pike, I continued to rejoice over the Lord's gracious provision to this body of believers in NE Philly and how He'll continue to work.
Well, that was a lie...finally, to Table Talk which starts in about 25 minutes. A time for guys from GBC to reflect on the mercy and grace of the Father through caring for each others souls, stirring up to good works, admonishing/instructing in the Word, and enjoying great coffee at the best coffee shop in NE Philly (yeh, I'm partial...but I gotta give a plug to Great Awakenings...check it out if you've got a chance b/c you'll enjoy it (especially for those on the West coast...you know who you are :) )). Grace & Peace.
Continuing to Brood...
It's amazing to see the graciousness of God through books I read, sermons I hear, scripture I mediate on, people I meet, and circumstances I experience.
We'll start w/the works I've read this month. My book a week strategy has led me to 3 dynamically different yet congruent works. From Wild at Heart, that caused me to reevaluate my "masculinity" in terms of who God says I am to Mad Church Disease: Overcoming the Burnout Epidemic that gave me reassurance in God's desire for how we "minister" and in trusting despite past heartache in the church to my current read When People are Big and God is Small which has brought me face to face with the striking realization that I'm desperately searching for the approval of others over God.
It's with the latter that I want to focus on because in my mind the first two scratch the surface of what Ed Welch is getting across. There are several reviews online that encapsulate Welch's book which are helpful including this one from 9Marks. I know this book has made the rounds in evangelical circles, and I'm surprised it took me this long to pick it up. I recently borrowed the book in an attempt to further my understanding of counseling in light of my own fears/shortcomings which have and are becoming more evident in light of group redemption. I have extended this book past my week to two because of the weightiness I've incurred while reading. I picked it up for the first time last Wednesday and kept putting it down then back up over the next couple of days just reading and re-reading the first chapter beating my chest in contrition each time like the publican in Luke. After I managed to come back to the cross each time trying to live in light of future grace I'd continue to chide myself over my sin (past/present). Enter a sermon by Aaron Osborn from the previous Sunday over Psalm 103:8-14(which I highly recommend listening to...link provided). If God doesn't deal with me according to my sins, why do I hold them against myself viewing myself as a more "just judge" of my transgressions than God. This holding back of sin against myself has interfered with my approach to others because I will often be repressed in fellowship, encouragement, rebuke, correction according to Scripture because of my past indiscretions.
In this vein of thought, Welch jabs at my complacency with this statement "regarding other people, our problem is that we need them (for ourselves) more than we love them (for the glory of God). The task God sets for us to need them less and love them more." Talk about a punch to the ribs, but he doesn't stop there..."We wait for others to take initiatives of love. We spend too much time wondering what others may have thought...We are more concerned about looking stupid (a fear of people) than we are about acting sinfully (fear of the Lord)." How true...if I'm commanded to love the Father and others relentlessly then why do I cower from interaction and confrontation?
In chapter three, the author penetrates the core of the fear of man issue: "We exalt them (people) and their perceived power above God. We worship them as ones who have God-like exposing gazes (shame-fear) or God-like exposing gazes (shame-fear) or God-like ability to 'fill' us with esteem, love, admiration, acceptance, respect, and other psychological desires (rejection-fear)...They are worshipped because we perceive that they have power to give us something. We think they can bless us." People as he illustrates have become our "idol of choice", and we replace the grace given at the cross with the approval of others and what I view they can "give me". We've (I've) made a blessing (people) an object of worship because I fear them more than God; this fact has become increasingly evident in my interactions with unbelievers, redeemed community, the fairer sex, and even my roommates. I've made fear a debilitating curse rather than a holy, reverence toward God.
So, I'm just starting chapter 6 after 1 1/2 weeks of the Lord walking me slowly through some life-altering truths, and I've continued to make terrible errors based on my "fear of man" issues over the past week or so. But, I know it's working because the Spirit has been gracious in making those sins evident (I often don't listen before the fact...but He's still shifting my allegiances, and for that I couldn't be more grateful). So, let this be an encouragement and a warning to heed, and I'll be updating as the Lord continues to rip away chunks of my life.
I apologize for the long post, but as I continue to brood over the benevolence of the Savior...I continue to type. Recently, I've been listening to few songs from a worship pastor in Tennessee named Jeremy Horn. So, I leave you with one of my favorite songs recently because it so aptly describes what I need to do when fear encompasses and where my identity must lie...So here's Embrace the Cross
You came to earth,ransomed my soul
To pay the debt for my sinful choices
You embraced the cross and made it Your joy
To take up my sin,You laid down Your glory
Oh, I embrace the cross
Oh, I embrace, embrace the cross
May You be glorified. May You be lifted high
May You be magnified high above all things
For all the world to see all of Your majesty
All the compassion that waits at the cross
The blood from Your cross covers my life
What once was darkness, it has become light
The light of Your glory, a light to the world
A light that shines freedom, a light that shines hope
Oh, I embrace, embrace the cross
May You be glorified May You be glorified
May You be glorified. May You be glorified
May You be glorified. May You be glorified
Waits at the cross
Waits at the cross
We'll start w/the works I've read this month. My book a week strategy has led me to 3 dynamically different yet congruent works. From Wild at Heart, that caused me to reevaluate my "masculinity" in terms of who God says I am to Mad Church Disease: Overcoming the Burnout Epidemic that gave me reassurance in God's desire for how we "minister" and in trusting despite past heartache in the church to my current read When People are Big and God is Small which has brought me face to face with the striking realization that I'm desperately searching for the approval of others over God.
It's with the latter that I want to focus on because in my mind the first two scratch the surface of what Ed Welch is getting across. There are several reviews online that encapsulate Welch's book which are helpful including this one from 9Marks. I know this book has made the rounds in evangelical circles, and I'm surprised it took me this long to pick it up. I recently borrowed the book in an attempt to further my understanding of counseling in light of my own fears/shortcomings which have and are becoming more evident in light of group redemption. I have extended this book past my week to two because of the weightiness I've incurred while reading. I picked it up for the first time last Wednesday and kept putting it down then back up over the next couple of days just reading and re-reading the first chapter beating my chest in contrition each time like the publican in Luke. After I managed to come back to the cross each time trying to live in light of future grace I'd continue to chide myself over my sin (past/present). Enter a sermon by Aaron Osborn from the previous Sunday over Psalm 103:8-14(which I highly recommend listening to...link provided). If God doesn't deal with me according to my sins, why do I hold them against myself viewing myself as a more "just judge" of my transgressions than God. This holding back of sin against myself has interfered with my approach to others because I will often be repressed in fellowship, encouragement, rebuke, correction according to Scripture because of my past indiscretions.
In this vein of thought, Welch jabs at my complacency with this statement "regarding other people, our problem is that we need them (for ourselves) more than we love them (for the glory of God). The task God sets for us to need them less and love them more." Talk about a punch to the ribs, but he doesn't stop there..."We wait for others to take initiatives of love. We spend too much time wondering what others may have thought...We are more concerned about looking stupid (a fear of people) than we are about acting sinfully (fear of the Lord)." How true...if I'm commanded to love the Father and others relentlessly then why do I cower from interaction and confrontation?
In chapter three, the author penetrates the core of the fear of man issue: "We exalt them (people) and their perceived power above God. We worship them as ones who have God-like exposing gazes (shame-fear) or God-like exposing gazes (shame-fear) or God-like ability to 'fill' us with esteem, love, admiration, acceptance, respect, and other psychological desires (rejection-fear)...They are worshipped because we perceive that they have power to give us something. We think they can bless us." People as he illustrates have become our "idol of choice", and we replace the grace given at the cross with the approval of others and what I view they can "give me". We've (I've) made a blessing (people) an object of worship because I fear them more than God; this fact has become increasingly evident in my interactions with unbelievers, redeemed community, the fairer sex, and even my roommates. I've made fear a debilitating curse rather than a holy, reverence toward God.
So, I'm just starting chapter 6 after 1 1/2 weeks of the Lord walking me slowly through some life-altering truths, and I've continued to make terrible errors based on my "fear of man" issues over the past week or so. But, I know it's working because the Spirit has been gracious in making those sins evident (I often don't listen before the fact...but He's still shifting my allegiances, and for that I couldn't be more grateful). So, let this be an encouragement and a warning to heed, and I'll be updating as the Lord continues to rip away chunks of my life.
I apologize for the long post, but as I continue to brood over the benevolence of the Savior...I continue to type. Recently, I've been listening to few songs from a worship pastor in Tennessee named Jeremy Horn. So, I leave you with one of my favorite songs recently because it so aptly describes what I need to do when fear encompasses and where my identity must lie...So here's Embrace the Cross
You came to earth,ransomed my soul
To pay the debt for my sinful choices
You embraced the cross and made it Your joy
To take up my sin,You laid down Your glory
Oh, I embrace the cross
Oh, I embrace, embrace the cross
May You be glorified. May You be lifted high
May You be magnified high above all things
For all the world to see all of Your majesty
All the compassion that waits at the cross
The blood from Your cross covers my life
What once was darkness, it has become light
The light of Your glory, a light to the world
A light that shines freedom, a light that shines hope
Oh, I embrace, embrace the cross
May You be glorified May You be glorified
May You be glorified. May You be glorified
May You be glorified. May You be glorified
Waits at the cross
Waits at the cross
Day Off in Center City (a week ago)
I was greatly torn when I was given last Friday (1/08) off. I love the opportunity, but still being technically a temp I don't get paid for mandatory time off. So, to use the day to the best of my ability...in a cavalcade of photoblogging
As I stood waiting for the train at my Margaret-Orthodox station about to head into center city...oh brown leather shoes the places we've been.
If only this was my train, but as you can see...other side of the tracks (just a fan of the pic)
I know its touristy, & I've been there countless times...still, RTM is one of my favorite places in the city which I decided to stop in for a quick bite (didn't turn out so quick)...ended up spending most of the afternoon there.
Helpful hint to the traveler desiring awesome local cuisine on a budget, here's the best roast pork sandwich in Philly (dare I say in all of SE Pennsylvania). Nestled in the center thoroughfare of RTM, Tony Dinics (which has been given much recognition most recently on Man v. Food & rightfully so) makes the meanest Italian Roast Pork which in my opinion must be complemented w/their fresh sharp provolone broccoli rabe. Seriously, the sharpness of the cheddar meshes w/the bitterness of the greens w/the slow roasted pork...my mouth waters thinking of it (hey this was my day to cheat on my diet so I took full advantage). Notice the satisfied bite in the last pic...seriously, you've gotta try it.
So my goal was to walk a little more around the city after lunch, but I got distracted by a book I was determined to finish. Wild at Heart by John Eldredge (subtitled - Discovering the Secret of a Man's Soul) prolonged my stay, & I was much obliged. After much scribbling/markings, I was greatly disenchanted w/my current state & longed for the "manhood" he so aptly described. Having received the book in November, I was determined to read a book that I'd purchased recently, and when I started I had to finish. As you can see, I had to purchased coffee (Old City...local & delightful) & a cupcake (quickly becoming my favorite guilty pleasure...this one happened to be made of lemon cake w/blackberry jam from The Flying Monkey...and I'm convinced that cupcakes must have a crunchy (not stale) consistency on the cap...big fan).
Whether it was the delightful cornucopia of local faire I enjoyed or the 15 minute stern lecture a mother gave her daughter on the L-train about the non-existence of Santa Claus or the guy who followed me for 2 blocks off the train trying to sell me cologne out of a suitcase (I did it once about 5 yrs ago & vowed never again) or the fact I got off two stops early so I could walk the extra 1.5 miles home or the evening of Chinese food & good conversation w/my roommate...this day (though not monetarily productive) was enjoyable as I relished in common grace.
As I stood waiting for the train at my Margaret-Orthodox station about to head into center city...oh brown leather shoes the places we've been.
If only this was my train, but as you can see...other side of the tracks (just a fan of the pic)
I know its touristy, & I've been there countless times...still, RTM is one of my favorite places in the city which I decided to stop in for a quick bite (didn't turn out so quick)...ended up spending most of the afternoon there.
Helpful hint to the traveler desiring awesome local cuisine on a budget, here's the best roast pork sandwich in Philly (dare I say in all of SE Pennsylvania). Nestled in the center thoroughfare of RTM, Tony Dinics (which has been given much recognition most recently on Man v. Food & rightfully so) makes the meanest Italian Roast Pork which in my opinion must be complemented w/their fresh sharp provolone broccoli rabe. Seriously, the sharpness of the cheddar meshes w/the bitterness of the greens w/the slow roasted pork...my mouth waters thinking of it (hey this was my day to cheat on my diet so I took full advantage). Notice the satisfied bite in the last pic...seriously, you've gotta try it.
So my goal was to walk a little more around the city after lunch, but I got distracted by a book I was determined to finish. Wild at Heart by John Eldredge (subtitled - Discovering the Secret of a Man's Soul) prolonged my stay, & I was much obliged. After much scribbling/markings, I was greatly disenchanted w/my current state & longed for the "manhood" he so aptly described. Having received the book in November, I was determined to read a book that I'd purchased recently, and when I started I had to finish. As you can see, I had to purchased coffee (Old City...local & delightful) & a cupcake (quickly becoming my favorite guilty pleasure...this one happened to be made of lemon cake w/blackberry jam from The Flying Monkey...and I'm convinced that cupcakes must have a crunchy (not stale) consistency on the cap...big fan).
Whether it was the delightful cornucopia of local faire I enjoyed or the 15 minute stern lecture a mother gave her daughter on the L-train about the non-existence of Santa Claus or the guy who followed me for 2 blocks off the train trying to sell me cologne out of a suitcase (I did it once about 5 yrs ago & vowed never again) or the fact I got off two stops early so I could walk the extra 1.5 miles home or the evening of Chinese food & good conversation w/my roommate...this day (though not monetarily productive) was enjoyable as I relished in common grace.
Three Days into One
So I have been good at taking pics, but not at posting. I even had yesterday off & still didn't...aarggh. ah well, better late than never.
(01/05/10)This would be one of the curricula for our group redemption which starts this coming Tuesday..pray, pray, pray for God's working. We've been praying for the last 3 months for those who would come, for God to prepare & equip us, & that the gospel would be clear and revealed as the source of overcoming addictions. We'd appreciate your prayers as we seek to further the kingdom.
(01/06/10) With my new found love for exercise came a desire to eat better. Just showing one of my first examples w/some baked tilapia (if there's a healthier way to cook it, please advise), peas&carrots (forrest gump analogy if you get it), & some kiwi (becoming one of my favorite fruits...right up there w/pears).
(01/07/10) Yes, more fish...mahi, mahi this time...marinated (one in honey dijon (not again) & one in italian dressing w/parmesan (good idea...really soaked in the fish & gave a nice flavor). Three of my first four meals this week were fish...love my local grocer. I stocked up on much fish, pork, veggies, & fruit and am really enjoying the effects of a non-wasteful, healthier lifestyle. And oh, btw, went to the gym 4 days in a row (evidence of grace if there ever was one)...feeling really victorious this week & hope/pray it continues (would love it if you prayed with me). Well, my day off adventure will have come later today...appreciate you reading & hope you continue to see God in the every day situations.
(01/05/10)This would be one of the curricula for our group redemption which starts this coming Tuesday..pray, pray, pray for God's working. We've been praying for the last 3 months for those who would come, for God to prepare & equip us, & that the gospel would be clear and revealed as the source of overcoming addictions. We'd appreciate your prayers as we seek to further the kingdom.
(01/06/10) With my new found love for exercise came a desire to eat better. Just showing one of my first examples w/some baked tilapia (if there's a healthier way to cook it, please advise), peas&carrots (forrest gump analogy if you get it), & some kiwi (becoming one of my favorite fruits...right up there w/pears).
(01/07/10) Yes, more fish...mahi, mahi this time...marinated (one in honey dijon (not again) & one in italian dressing w/parmesan (good idea...really soaked in the fish & gave a nice flavor). Three of my first four meals this week were fish...love my local grocer. I stocked up on much fish, pork, veggies, & fruit and am really enjoying the effects of a non-wasteful, healthier lifestyle. And oh, btw, went to the gym 4 days in a row (evidence of grace if there ever was one)...feeling really victorious this week & hope/pray it continues (would love it if you prayed with me). Well, my day off adventure will have come later today...appreciate you reading & hope you continue to see God in the every day situations.
The start of a beautiful relationship...hopefully
So, I finally found a gym in my area that has all I wanted/need...1.) 24hr accessibility, 2.) cheap ($10/month is ridiculously good), 3.) close proximity (15mins, but it's on my way to work), 4.) month-to-month membership (in case I throw in the towel)...not too many frills, but it gets the job done when its 23 degrees out in the morning, & I'm already hard to motivate to go running on a regular basis.
Now, a moment of common grace.
A Restful Weekend
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I can't say it enough...I love, love, love Sundays. Yesterday was no exception, & the sermon was poignant and appropriate. Continuing on the Psalms of Ascent series w/Ps. 122 entitled "We should delight in gathering down here until we gather up there". As the Psalmist describes his joy in coming to the temple in Jerusalem, we should delight in gathering as a body b/c we meet with God, give thanks in receiving from God, and build up each other.
Good encouragement as we met in small groups afterward to reflect on the Word & pursue building one another up. Battling pride through focusing on what God has done not in what he hasn't given us & owning our pride as sin.
The pic is from afterward...continuing with rest & according to John Eldridge in our male pursuit to have a "battle to fight/adventure to live" (sorry no beauty's to rescue in this one), we wasted away the afternoon in COD: Modern Warfare 2 revelry...I may be terrible at it, but enjoy the camaraderie.
I know using a camera phone is not the first choice especially when trying to journal w/photos...but I like to think I'm starting a trend (at least until I fix my camera).
P.S. Don't worry no children were neglected in the taking of this picture...she's a big COD fan too.
Good encouragement as we met in small groups afterward to reflect on the Word & pursue building one another up. Battling pride through focusing on what God has done not in what he hasn't given us & owning our pride as sin.
The pic is from afterward...continuing with rest & according to John Eldridge in our male pursuit to have a "battle to fight/adventure to live" (sorry no beauty's to rescue in this one), we wasted away the afternoon in COD: Modern Warfare 2 revelry...I may be terrible at it, but enjoy the camaraderie.
I know using a camera phone is not the first choice especially when trying to journal w/photos...but I like to think I'm starting a trend (at least until I fix my camera).
P.S. Don't worry no children were neglected in the taking of this picture...she's a big COD fan too.
Day 2
Spent about an hour w/my good friend here...Pandora was my catalyst & the song in my heart was the motivation.
Spent about an hour w/another good friend (a human one) this morning talking about struggles, working through our salvation w/meekness & fear, & resting in the Savior.
Spent about an hour w/a bank manager for my 2nd interview (with that branch; 6th interview total) & was brought to a deep realization that I am not in a better position w/this job than w/o it...tough to come to grips with b/c of the last 3mths of back & forth.
Spent a few hours this evening w/good friends rejoicing in grace, enjoying fellowship, and reminiscing...thanks again Matzkos for opening your home.
And now, your moment of common grace.
2010: An Urban Odyssey
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Not sure why I'm so excited about this year...maybe I know something you don't. Maybe, I'm just pumped about grace, & know God has some pretty crazy things in store this year. Or maybe its because its less than a year and a half before the Lord comes back (mark your calendars). In all seriousness, I'm determined to follow through with things this year...we'll see. My first attempt is an idea tweeted by a friend to photojournalize this next year...Project 365 they call it. I may not follow the rules (try to find a pic that summarizes your day), but here goes.
More like "$.99 Taquitos. Constipation Solved" or "$.99 Taquitos. Don't even bother trying to leave the bathroom tonight" or "$.99 Taquitos. Pepto is in aisle 2".
Seriously, never had a desire to eat a taquito...though they served them at Calvary and on days I mournfully forgot my lunch. I pass about 3-4 of these convenience stores on my way to work, and my reaction was always the same...why...especially after the following description (1:11).
So hope you enjoyed yesterday's pic...kinda my "moment of zen"/common grace for the day.
More like "$.99 Taquitos. Constipation Solved" or "$.99 Taquitos. Don't even bother trying to leave the bathroom tonight" or "$.99 Taquitos. Pepto is in aisle 2".
Seriously, never had a desire to eat a taquito...though they served them at Calvary and on days I mournfully forgot my lunch. I pass about 3-4 of these convenience stores on my way to work, and my reaction was always the same...why...especially after the following description (1:11).
So hope you enjoyed yesterday's pic...kinda my "moment of zen"/common grace for the day.
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