It would be enough to say that God is filled with mercy don't you think? What else could I ask for than for a merciful God? One who looks past my indiscretions this week because I've been made alive through Jesus Christ. It's easy to look at this week and see my frustrations, faults, laziness, lack of mercy, selfishness, lack of meditating on the Word (stemming from a lack of reading the Word), indecision, monumental doubt, mockery, contempt, corrupt speach, pride, and the list could go on indefinitely.
The great gift comes in the Holy Spirit using unusual means to bring about repentance. Don't know if I'm completely there as I'm still in the process of naming my sin from just the first part of this week and expressing gratitude for Christ's covering of those transgressions.
As I hit the play button on my cd player this morning I'd left DC*B's Church Music in from yesterday night, and it started playing. When I got to #9, I was already under conviction, but that conviction turned to the welling up of tears (which I'd say is quite embarrassing with 20+ co-workers with 20 feet of my desk). Each time I repeated the song another lyric or part of the "How He Loves" brought me to the point of tears, and I continued to repeat over the past hour and a half as I started naming my sin. I was greatly reminded of what GRACE has done and how I'm covered in it. As John Piper says, "we should realize we're in a pit and when we stand up we're dripping with more grace". I wish I could put up the video, but my work compute blocks sites with "streaming media" so look it up on youtube then read Ephesians 2:1-10 (this passage kept echoing through my mind while the song played) & tell me what you think and in what ways you're reminded of what indelible grace and abounding mercy have done for you.
"How He Loves"
He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realise just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.
And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh! how He loves us,
Oh! how He loves us,
Oh! how He loves.
We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
And Heaven meets earth like an unforseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…
Redemption's a Journey Best taken Slow.
If you asked me what I do for my livelihood, my response wouldn't be long or filled with glowing terminology and enthusiastic rhetoric. My initial reaction would be to point out the only positive that I can conceive which was the time I spent listening to sermons, lectures, podcasts, etc. while tabulating mindless information with every keystroke. I speak in the past sense because my musical device, my fortress from bored-itude, my cherished ipod sits in a drawer lifeless and useless bearing the battle scars of the infamous red "x". So as I toil these days shuffling from cd to cd interchanging rechargeable batteries as needed, I've recently been driven to cut out the noise altogether and spend time thinking, pondering, musing. Flashes of people and images come into mind as I meander through the inner recesses utilizing the time to pray for needs, contemplate reality, finagle my weekly schedule around often with much brain-wrinkling, and ruminate ideas for new/recent ventures.
The most recent of these ventures happens to be a Redemption Group started by GBC to minister "reconciliation for those who are enslaved to the sin of substance abuse". Now, I am the last person that I expected to be involved with something of this genre relating to spiritual development/counseling. But as I've considered the daunting task over the last few months, I am reminded of why I'm so compelled by urban ministries, why God called me to NE Philadelphia, and how He's continuing to poke holes in my theological balloon.
As we've met as a group preparing for our initial meetings, our continual desire has been for God to be made much of in spite of us, to give us grace and wisdom in bringing others to the knowledge of the gospel, and continuing to see but for the grace of God how I/we could be in the same dire straights as those we counsel. I so often make good things an idol just as a crack-addict does his next fix or an alcoholic the next drink. The goal is to exalt the Savior and rest dependence on Him not an addiction, not an excuse because of environment or heredity, not the ability to "conquer" abuse by following steps and bolster one's self-righteousness. My sin must be viewed properly as my fault, and grace must be completely His doing for "success" and true power over sin/abuse.
Surprisingly in the monotony of my work schedule, I've seen my job evidence this fact. One of my tasks (my main one for the past month), has been to assure the quality (QA) of statistical entries submitted by my co-workers before they're passed to my supervisor. When I originally started the process, I saw myself getting agitated at what I saw to be incompetence on my co-workers part. Often thinking "are you serious?", "what information are you looking at because that is not...?", "were you paying attention during training?", "come on, a trained chimpanzee could do this work", and so and so forth. The problem is I've probably similar or the same mistakes before, and I can't excuse my frustration because another person has inconvenienced me. What if a person I'm counseling that's suffering from a life-entrapping addiction seems to make progress then relapses and continues to spiral downward? What is my reaction going to be? What am I expecting of that person? perfection?
I was reminded of that tonight when Dan and I visited a local recovery group. Though we didn't mesh completely with their methodology, they were teaching Christ and drawing others to depend and rest in Him. Afterward, a member of the group who bore the scars of past addictions shook our hands and shared simple, but deep advice. He said, "have patience with your guys", and I was cut to the core. How true because Christ was and is so very patient with me so much should I be with others.
NEXT 2010
What is NEXT?
"The vision of Next is to gather worshipers of Jesus Christ who burn with a passion to see the gospel transferred to the next generation. Next is about faithfully receiving the gospel—the message of Christ and him crucified–from those who have gone before us, holding fast to the gospel personally, and passing the gospel on to those coming after us.
The idea behind Next was born when Joshua Harris, still in his twenties, wanted to expose other young men and women to older pastors and theologians who had profoundly affected his life. Josh started the New Attitude conference as a way to bring thousands of younger people and dozens of faithful pastors together to transfer the gospel faithfully from one generation to the next. In 2008 New Attitude ended and now Next is born—an even more focused way of helping see the gospel transferred and received faithfully.
The focus of the conference is the younger generation: college students, singles, and young married couples. But if you are above the 18-29 year old range and have a passion to see gospel truth passed on, we welcome you as well."
Follow the link in the title for information including speakers, registration, & travel/lodging for the 2010 Conference during Memorial Day weekend (note: the days have changed from past years now starting on Friday & running until Monday). Registration starts tomorrow...Hope to see you there.
"The vision of Next is to gather worshipers of Jesus Christ who burn with a passion to see the gospel transferred to the next generation. Next is about faithfully receiving the gospel—the message of Christ and him crucified–from those who have gone before us, holding fast to the gospel personally, and passing the gospel on to those coming after us.
The idea behind Next was born when Joshua Harris, still in his twenties, wanted to expose other young men and women to older pastors and theologians who had profoundly affected his life. Josh started the New Attitude conference as a way to bring thousands of younger people and dozens of faithful pastors together to transfer the gospel faithfully from one generation to the next. In 2008 New Attitude ended and now Next is born—an even more focused way of helping see the gospel transferred and received faithfully.
The focus of the conference is the younger generation: college students, singles, and young married couples. But if you are above the 18-29 year old range and have a passion to see gospel truth passed on, we welcome you as well."
Follow the link in the title for information including speakers, registration, & travel/lodging for the 2010 Conference during Memorial Day weekend (note: the days have changed from past years now starting on Friday & running until Monday). Registration starts tomorrow...Hope to see you there.
Pheels Like A Phil Wickham Phriday
Whether or not this will be a regular occurrence remains to be seen. But, I am greatly encouraged by the music/lyrics of one Phil Wickham ever since I saw him open for DC*B in 2007. A conversation that I had recently went over reasons why a friend and I had mutual respect/enjoyment over Phil's music.
1.) Lyrics: Theologically sound words that weave together a picture of grace as it sways and breathes. I envision the majesty of the throne room of heaven as angels encircle the Father in his re-rendition of the classic hymn "Holy, Holy, Holy". My heart dances as I hear the Groom (Jesus) & the Bride (church)lavishing praises on each other in Divine Romance. The grace of the Father is brought to life in the words of Grace (2006):
"Grace I call Your name
Oh won't Your smile fall over me
I'm cracked and dry on hands and knees
Oh sweet grace rain down on me I need You grace"
2.) Leads to the Father: A good "worship" leader creates an atmosphere conducive to worshiping the Father (not that you can only worship by a "certain style"). But leaders like Phil are not a distraction or try to be bigger than the song as shown by the Singalong album available last year (according to the website won't be available again until Jan. 2010).
That's enough for fear I'll start focusing more on the person than the Father the person is exalting. So after listening to his new album "Heaven&Earth" (which just came out this past Tuesday (shameless plug)) twice every day (b/c if you pre-ordered, it came w/an acoustic version), I've grown to love it more and more in turn worshiping the Father more and more. Which brings us to the end through a humorous albeit disconcerting event today. After my morning in "Heaven", Jim Belcher's "Deep Church" made up my afternoon until I dropped my ipod which forced me to reset it leaving the last 3hrs of my day media-less, but this next song kept resonating throughout my head the rest of the day. I love it so I'm sharing it.
I'm leaving you with a song first featured on "Singalong" and the studio version is currently on "Heaven&Earth". Feel free to learn the chords or just sing-a-long with Phil (dont' worry this is a safe place...we won't judge your singing ability or the fact that you still use a hairbrush as a microphone).
Because of Your Love
Jesus you endured my pain
Savior you bore all my shame
All because of your love
All because of your love
Maker of the universe
Broken for the sins of the earth
All because of your love
All because of your love
Because of your cross my debt is paid
Because of you blood my sins are washed away
Now all of my life, I freely give
Because of your love, Because of your love I live
Innocent and Holy king
You died to set the captive free
All because of your love
Lord you gave your life for me
So I will give my life for you
All because of your love
All because of your love
Because of your cross my debt is paid
Because of your blood my sins are washed away
Now all of my life I freely give
Because of your love, because your love I live
You did it for me, you did it for love
It's your victory, Jesus you are enough x3
Hath been nine fortnights
Hath been nine fortnights last I bloggeth with earnest anticipation to return with undeniable fervor and stalwart determination.
So in an effort to display my newly found tenacity, I commit (as often has been done before) to make this digital diary meaningful by posting consistently. The difference will be in the motivation. In past years, I've blogged for self-serving reasons such as padding my ego, keeping others updated on my life (however uninteresting), boosting my view #s, or guilt over months of not blogging.
I know I'm quoting myself, but I have a point if my about is true:
"My life is not my own, but meant to resonate the God who through His sovereignty created me, by His ardent love sent the Living Word to rescue heathens like me from deserving wrath, and with His indelible mercy restores in me what sin destroyed to refract the glory of the Almighty by the power of His Spirit."
then i have a lot of work to do. If God's grace is evident, He must be made much of in my life. So as I brood over the benevolence (hence the new title) of my great God and Savior and Spirit, those evidences of His grace must be made much of and this happens to be one of the possible ways I've chosen to do such brooding.
As I was contemplating a new title/direction, the word "brood" came up in my thesaurus with such pulchritudinous descriptions: "chafe inwardly", "consider", "daydream", "dwell upon", "muse", "ponder", "ruminate", "stew over", "sweat over", "languish", "anguish over", and my favorite "eat one's heart out". As these words sum up my current rediscovery and inspection of Scripture and God, I hope and pray for grace to illumine my eyes and guide my fingertips as they chronicle evidences of benevolence (common & special) in and around my life.
I leave you with a verse & a hymn that I've been stewing over recently. In an institute course at my church, we've been studying John Piper's "Whey We Believe The Bible" and he offered the following verse to appeal the father when reading & meditating on Scripture:
"Open my eyes, that I may behold wondrous things out of your law." - Ps. 119:18
and a hymn,
Only You
Take my heart, I Lay it down
At the feet of you whose crowned
Take my life, I’m letting go
I lift it upto You who’s throned
And I will worship You, Lord
Only You, Lord
And I will bow down before You
Only You Lord
Take my fret, take my fear
All I have, I’m leaving here
Be all my hopes, be all my dreams
Be all my delights, be my everything
And It’s just you and me here now
Only you and me here now
You should see the view
When it’s only You
*David Crowder
So in an effort to display my newly found tenacity, I commit (as often has been done before) to make this digital diary meaningful by posting consistently. The difference will be in the motivation. In past years, I've blogged for self-serving reasons such as padding my ego, keeping others updated on my life (however uninteresting), boosting my view #s, or guilt over months of not blogging.
I know I'm quoting myself, but I have a point if my about is true:
"My life is not my own, but meant to resonate the God who through His sovereignty created me, by His ardent love sent the Living Word to rescue heathens like me from deserving wrath, and with His indelible mercy restores in me what sin destroyed to refract the glory of the Almighty by the power of His Spirit."
then i have a lot of work to do. If God's grace is evident, He must be made much of in my life. So as I brood over the benevolence (hence the new title) of my great God and Savior and Spirit, those evidences of His grace must be made much of and this happens to be one of the possible ways I've chosen to do such brooding.
As I was contemplating a new title/direction, the word "brood" came up in my thesaurus with such pulchritudinous descriptions: "chafe inwardly", "consider", "daydream", "dwell upon", "muse", "ponder", "ruminate", "stew over", "sweat over", "languish", "anguish over", and my favorite "eat one's heart out". As these words sum up my current rediscovery and inspection of Scripture and God, I hope and pray for grace to illumine my eyes and guide my fingertips as they chronicle evidences of benevolence (common & special) in and around my life.
I leave you with a verse & a hymn that I've been stewing over recently. In an institute course at my church, we've been studying John Piper's "Whey We Believe The Bible" and he offered the following verse to appeal the father when reading & meditating on Scripture:
"Open my eyes, that I may behold wondrous things out of your law." - Ps. 119:18
and a hymn,
Only You
Take my heart, I Lay it down
At the feet of you whose crowned
Take my life, I’m letting go
I lift it upto You who’s throned
And I will worship You, Lord
Only You, Lord
And I will bow down before You
Only You Lord
Take my fret, take my fear
All I have, I’m leaving here
Be all my hopes, be all my dreams
Be all my delights, be my everything
And It’s just you and me here now
Only you and me here now
You should see the view
When it’s only You
*David Crowder
Sovereign Grace
I don't think that I can truly express the effect of Sovereign Grace Ministries in my life over the past few years. I think my first "unknowing" experience was to I Kissed Dating Goodbye during Freshman Orientation/Purity...not necessarily the best induction, but I can see God using it even then. From there it was resources from primarily CJ Mahaney that drew my attention. Culminating in the New Attitude (now NEXT) Conference in Louisville, KY in '07, I was hooked by their passion to live their lives not only passionately in love w/the God of Scripture, but in pursuing Him daily through allowing Scripture to penetrate, convict, and restore. I was overwhelmed by their theological richness from their music to their messages to their personal interactions.
Now attending GBC and seeing that influence permeate every pore of the leadership and laity is refreshing. From the Pastor's Conference this past April, in Ian's interview you can see the progression to adoption by Sovereign Grace this past Sunday. God has truly worked, and I cannot wait to see how He will continue to use this relationship to glorify Himself through the instruments at GBC to affect NE Philly.
One more resource/plug for Sovereign Grace: After attending NEXT '09 in Baltimore this past Memorial Day weekend, I was once again freshly affected by the music of Sovereign Grace, and they recorded a live album during the times of musical preparedness for God's Word. I just downloaded it the other day for $5 and have loved it so much I thought I'd pass it on.
New Home
Pic of the stromboli i got tonight at the place across the street from my house. My first thought was it looks like a boomerang...my next was, I should have gotten the small.
My new favorite cheesesteak place in the city mainly b/c its 5 minutes from my house.
A parting shot of two of my students that I've had for the past four years since 7th grade...gonna miss them.
One final shot of my Sophomore homeroom on our last day of classes.
As of last Saturday, I am officially a resident of great city of Philadelphia...and what better way did I celebrate but with a cheesesteak whiz/with...which any local could tell you means 12 inches of sliced beef on a soft roll w/onions and cheese whiz. I know it may not sound too appetizing, but is truly divine...it may just be further confirmation of God's leading.
A new occupation is my current concern...after flirting with teaching (again), getting a cdl, tutoring, and even applying at the post office. I haven't gone to Mcdonalds yet even though there is one across the street...I have considered Chick-fil-A though. My options are completely open. I'd love something in the nps...seriously giving tours in philly would be a blast in my opinion. So I have some work next week in checking this out more. Pray as I seek out a job in the philly/NJ area.
Fresh Perspective
I was talking to a couple of friends this afternoon discussing life, purpose, struggles, and I was reminded again of why God made us relational beings. I need encouragement and fellowship, but I also need a swift kick in the pants sometimes. Today, I received all. As I continue to struggle with where God is placing me as his plans for Philly unfold, He reminded me through a friend's exhortation that my perspective was off completely. I was focusing so much on what's next that I wasn't focusing and serving where I am at now.
I remember a often-used phrase from the president of the college I attended which was
"Be where you are". I haven't been, but I've been coasting where I'm at looking at the lush grass on the other side of the fence...and I'm drooling just thinking about what's next. I know God is moving me to Philly to be closer to Grace and the city, but as I await where He's leading job-wise, I've been getting restless.
So, today was definitely a gentle, yet prodding reminder of His grace that renews every morning to fuel every step, every breath, every word, every motive to glorify Himself through me. I love being reliant on grace to get me through. It's such an encouraging reminder when I start trying to do it all on my own. Thanks be to God for his grace and for godly friends that show their love by admonishing.
I remember a often-used phrase from the president of the college I attended which was
"Be where you are". I haven't been, but I've been coasting where I'm at looking at the lush grass on the other side of the fence...and I'm drooling just thinking about what's next. I know God is moving me to Philly to be closer to Grace and the city, but as I await where He's leading job-wise, I've been getting restless.
So, today was definitely a gentle, yet prodding reminder of His grace that renews every morning to fuel every step, every breath, every word, every motive to glorify Himself through me. I love being reliant on grace to get me through. It's such an encouraging reminder when I start trying to do it all on my own. Thanks be to God for his grace and for godly friends that show their love by admonishing.
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