Continuing to Brood...

It's amazing to see the graciousness of God through books I read, sermons I hear, scripture I mediate on, people I meet, and circumstances I experience.

We'll start w/the works I've read this month. My book a week strategy has led me to 3 dynamically different yet congruent works. From Wild at Heart, that caused me to reevaluate my "masculinity" in terms of who God says I am to Mad Church Disease: Overcoming the Burnout Epidemic that gave me reassurance in God's desire for how we "minister" and in trusting despite past heartache in the church to my current read When People are Big and God is Small which has brought me face to face with the striking realization that I'm desperately searching for the approval of others over God.

It's with the latter that I want to focus on because in my mind the first two scratch the surface of what Ed Welch is getting across. There are several reviews online that encapsulate Welch's book which are helpful including this one from 9Marks. I know this book has made the rounds in evangelical circles, and I'm surprised it took me this long to pick it up. I recently borrowed the book in an attempt to further my understanding of counseling in light of my own fears/shortcomings which have and are becoming more evident in light of group redemption. I have extended this book past my week to two because of the weightiness I've incurred while reading. I picked it up for the first time last Wednesday and kept putting it down then back up over the next couple of days just reading and re-reading the first chapter beating my chest in contrition each time like the publican in Luke. After I managed to come back to the cross each time trying to live in light of future grace I'd continue to chide myself over my sin (past/present). Enter a sermon by Aaron Osborn from the previous Sunday over Psalm 103:8-14(which I highly recommend listening to...link provided). If God doesn't deal with me according to my sins, why do I hold them against myself viewing myself as a more "just judge" of my transgressions than God. This holding back of sin against myself has interfered with my approach to others because I will often be repressed in fellowship, encouragement, rebuke, correction according to Scripture because of my past indiscretions.

In this vein of thought, Welch jabs at my complacency with this statement "regarding other people, our problem is that we need them (for ourselves) more than we love them (for the glory of God). The task God sets for us to need them less and love them more." Talk about a punch to the ribs, but he doesn't stop there..."We wait for others to take initiatives of love. We spend too much time wondering what others may have thought...We are more concerned about looking stupid (a fear of people) than we are about acting sinfully (fear of the Lord)." How true...if I'm commanded to love the Father and others relentlessly then why do I cower from interaction and confrontation?

In chapter three, the author penetrates the core of the fear of man issue: "We exalt them (people) and their perceived power above God. We worship them as ones who have God-like exposing gazes (shame-fear) or God-like exposing gazes (shame-fear) or God-like ability to 'fill' us with esteem, love, admiration, acceptance, respect, and other psychological desires (rejection-fear)...They are worshipped because we perceive that they have power to give us something. We think they can bless us." People as he illustrates have become our "idol of choice", and we replace the grace given at the cross with the approval of others and what I view they can "give me". We've (I've) made a blessing (people) an object of worship because I fear them more than God; this fact has become increasingly evident in my interactions with unbelievers, redeemed community, the fairer sex, and even my roommates. I've made fear a debilitating curse rather than a holy, reverence toward God.

So, I'm just starting chapter 6 after 1 1/2 weeks of the Lord walking me slowly through some life-altering truths, and I've continued to make terrible errors based on my "fear of man" issues over the past week or so. But, I know it's working because the Spirit has been gracious in making those sins evident (I often don't listen before the fact...but He's still shifting my allegiances, and for that I couldn't be more grateful). So, let this be an encouragement and a warning to heed, and I'll be updating as the Lord continues to rip away chunks of my life.

I apologize for the long post, but as I continue to brood over the benevolence of the Savior...I continue to type. Recently, I've been listening to few songs from a worship pastor in Tennessee named Jeremy Horn. So, I leave you with one of my favorite songs recently because it so aptly describes what I need to do when fear encompasses and where my identity must lie...So here's Embrace the Cross

You came to earth,ransomed my soul
To pay the debt for my sinful choices
You embraced the cross and made it Your joy
To take up my sin,You laid down Your glory

Oh, I embrace the cross
Oh, I embrace, embrace the cross

May You be glorified. May You be lifted high
May You be magnified high above all things
For all the world to see all of Your majesty
All the compassion that waits at the cross

The blood from Your cross covers my life
What once was darkness, it has become light
The light of Your glory, a light to the world
A light that shines freedom, a light that shines hope

Oh, I embrace, embrace the cross

May You be glorified May You be glorified
May You be glorified. May You be glorified
May You be glorified. May You be glorified

Waits at the cross
Waits at the cross