Baby Steps...

It's safe to say that I don't blog much. I was looking over old posts realizing today is 4yrs & 4mths since I started this thing. This being the 60th total post is only the 3rd time I've posted an entry in successive days. I also figured out that I add to this blog roughly every 26th day. This is by sheer number and not taking into account days when I've posted multiple entries (was really ambitious) like the infamous "blogger from back east" posts that 'rocked' the world of fundamentalism :)...or at least those who read Sharper Iron.

All that to say, I plan to write more often. If I say it one more time, I might actually do it. I've been writing in journals for years, but making it public online is a whole 'nother ballgame. And to be honest, to the handful that read this (of which 90% I'm sure that I'm related to), I appreciate you dropping in every once in a while especially after I end my usual 4-6month droughts.

I'm not one to get hung up on "resolutions" or maybe not anymore. I did somewhat follow my "eat better, exercise more" one from last year, and as of today am 65lbs lighter than last January (halfway toward my goal). But, putting my thoughts on electronic paper helps me to work out my thoughts, collect them more, make them easier to catalog/find later on, and get helpful feedback when someone calls me on my often inane ramblings.



I can't tell you how much this song was a means of grace this morning/afternoon while I sat in the coffee shop drinking pomegranate tea during my 2 1/2hr lunch break (seriously, the guy I subbed for has a 2 1/2hr lunch break...crazy). I hadn't listened to this song in months, but it brought such joy as I once again blared it in my car on my way back to school...I put up the one with lyrics so if you don't know it or if you do, you can sing along. It's guaranteed to lift the weak, comfort the broken, encourage the upright, and convict the hard-hearted...no foolin' on the guarantee.

God has been gracious since my last post to continue to bring people to encourage/convict, speaking by His Spirit through apt Scripture, and allowing me to see Him in the momentary instances of life. The book of James has been blowing me away while Romans 6-8 has been crucial to give assurance and hope when my thoughts tend to be bleak.

I'm overjoyed that God is speaking to me through His Word, and I hope & beg that He'll continue to convict and sway my feeble heart. I needed this today...a little while ago, I was looking forward to the opportunity of today. I don't tend to hype up unnecessary holidays especially those created by greeting card companies (I'm talking about you Boss's Day). But having never (truly) celebrated this one with the cherub-faced, diaper-wearing, homicidal arrow-shooting, "love"inducing mascot...I had been looking forward to it. As the day has gotten closer, I haven't look forward to it as much, and would have forgotten about it altogether if not for the heart-shaped balloon & rose-peddling stands on every corner of the Northeast (those immigrants know how to market to the delinquent males, let me tell ya). If I could have overlooked them, the high school that I worked in today was littered with red-shirted, balloon toting, hormone intoxicated teenyboppers who couldn't keep their hands off each other.

And yet again, God was gracious to remind me in Romans 8:28-39 that "there's a joy to be had that if you have it will enable you to face anything in life without sinking or crumbling, and this joy is an absolute certainty that God doesn't just love you now...but He always will" (Tim Keller). A greater love than I could ever show or receive from someone else. This truth is assured no matter how bad things are going on inside and/or outside of me. Sometimes I'm tempted to think that God is unfair to give such grace & love so much because of who I know myself to be. A faithful friend refreshed my soul yesterday after church by reminding me that God's love for me is not contingent on my behavior/actions, but solely on the shed blood of the Son of God for me. He finished it and loves me no less in spite of me. He's just because of it and continues to be a Justifier of sinners who come to Him in repentance...wow...

The weights of pain and uncertainty that I've been carrying for the last month are not mine to carry. He wants them, and I'm ready to give them up. God will use the hurt and pain for a reason, and I saw a glimpse of that today. He alone can fix my broken heart because He's preparing me for something greater. My mind can't possibly conceive of someone or something better than the one he brought, but I'm starting to trust again that He can and will if that's His purpose.

I don't know what all He's intending to do, but it's great to start trusting again that He knows exactly what He's doing even in the silence. What a good God! What a wonderful Savior! What a merciful Father to "lead me through valleys of sorrow to rivers of joy"!

So like Bob (sans the illustrious Dr. Leo Marvin & his self-help hoohah) I'm taking baby steps...