What If...

Recently I've been asking myself a lot of questions...some deep, some shallow, some meaningful, some meaningless, some that have already been answered, some that will never be answered, some that may take time to be answered, some that I'm ashamed to even utter...

What if God never chose me? Would I possibly have understood grace, forgiveness, or love?

What if I sinned less? Would I appreciate God's mercy more or less?

Why does loss bring discontent? Will gain bring contentment?

Can I really continue to trust the unseen? Do I practically live as if I trust God works all things together for good to those who are his adopted children?

Why do flannel shirts feel fantastically warm? Why can't I wear flannel in the summer as well? Could I market sleeveless flannel shirts for the summer to be coupled with board shorts, cabana hats, & velcro sandals w/black socks? But seriously, what would it take to make shirts that feel as lovely as flannel, but wouldn't make you sweat in the summer?

What is it about hours sitting around snow-ridden campfires, 6 mile hikes through ice & snow, and 2 1/2 days of male bonding that brings such joy? Was it complete irony that caused me to tweak my ankle in the last .3 miles of our 6miles hike (on level ground no less...sheesh)?

Why do I struggle in conversation with people I don't know? Why can I seemingly only concentrate on one conversation at a time when I'm in big groups?

Why do I trust others so easily, but not trust myself at all? Why do I tend to give my heart away so easily? Am I a masochist for heartache? Did I really use the term "masochist" in two separate posts within the same week? Do I need a Word of the Day Calendar to extend my vocabulary so I don't overuse the terms in different posts?

Can God really be enough? Do I practically believe this truth? Why do I often put people and things above him? Why am I seemingly more concerned with other's opinions than His?

What is it like to be in the presence of the Father? Would God ever give me a "Moses" type moment of showing me His glory? What does a future, resurrected body look like?

Am I were I should be or want to be in life, education, community? Am I truly content with where God has me now? How can I reconcile this struggle with contentment with a high view of God? What does this struggle say about how I view God? Why do I have this tertiary desire to disappear...to get away? Should I have taken that job as a park ranger in Whitefish, MT? Do I look good in olive & tan? Could I pull off a campaign hat?