Breakthrough

Definition of BREAKTHROUGH
1: an offensive thrust that penetrates and carries beyond a defensive line in warfare
2: an act or instance of breaking through an obstacle
3 a : a sudden advance especially in knowledge or technique
b : a person's first notable success
from Merriam-Webster.com

Sometimes we are privy to epiphanies or "breakthroughs" and don't realize it. I was made well aware by the convicting of the Holy Spirit tonight of what he was starting to do in my own life. I love the first definition because this feels like the "offensive thrust" of the Holy Spirit is barreling through the "defensive line" of my sin, flesh, the hardness of my heart, past shame/guilt, recent situations/circumstances, and everything I've held onto for so long. I'm reminded tonight of the grace given by God to make the struggle evident. He's showing me the ways I've used shame to justify actions, sin against others, and use past situations to affect present circumstances.

In Group Redemption tonight, Dan went over the guilt and shame and how they both play a part in substance/drug abuse & addictions in general. The message is key to a believer's understanding of shame & it's proper place in our lives. He shared that shame is "related to who I am" and guilt is "related to what I've done". The next part was the central focus of the session & key component in the Holy Spirit breaking through the "obstacles" and leading to a "sudden advance in knowledge" for me.



This chart was presented (sorry for the somewhat blurriness...I tried to make it as legible as possible) listing who I am because of shame (something placed on me). These shameful experiences could be a loss of a job, loss of a loved one/relationship, abuse, depression, rape/racism, divorce, failure of a loved one, etc. That column is then contrasted with the next one (my favorite) who I am in/because of Christ which leads to the benefits given to the believer because of Christ.

I was taking an inventory of my life (past/present) and was seeing over and over the instances where I let shame cripple, paralyze, and lead to sin. For as long as I can remember, I've desired to be accepted...to feel like I belonged, but also to be liked. From wanting my dad's approval growing up and not always getting it, to desiring my older brother's acceptance and not getting it in high school, to pursuing relationships with the opposite sex to be liked, to even choosing a group of believers to spend time in community with, and wanting to be accepted in an occupation/ministry by the people I work with. Sometimes, this desire is a "silent" one and sometimes very vocal. God started chipping away at the core of who I am tonight. I garner the acceptance of others to be used later to my advantage. I try hard to "be something" to gain my dad's approval. I work towards "being cool" so my brother would accept me. I try to "be who she wants me to be" to gain her affection/approval. I sometimes attempt to be "more spiritual" or "say the right Christian lingo" to be more accepted in a community of believers. And, I participate in office gossip/idle speech to gain the approval of peers.

This one area is barely scratching the surface of who I am. It's one are, but one for further discussion/contemplation. That even though I often feel rejected because I don't get the approval of others, I have "fellowship with the Father and with his Son Jesus Christ" (I John 1:3 ESV). I don't have to be wrapped up in the approval of others and crippled in fear of their opinion because I have the amazing opportunity to enjoy fellowship with the God of the universe. This realization is staggering...it causes me to acknowledge my unworthiness & tread softly in awe of who He is & this great opportunity to come boldly to Him. I'm an adopted child bought by the blood of Christ to not live as an "alien" to His favor, but as one who is no longer condemned by the weight of his sin.

God knows me all to well. He knows my heart, my fears, my failures, and my tendencies. He knows I struggle...He knows I'm weak...He knows I've doubted His kindness today. But because of His Son, HE ACCEPTS ME...and is changing me. I don't have to be paralyzed by my past, doubting in the present, and hesitant about the future. He'll continue to walk me through these things to realize that my past has been paid for by the Son, my present is saturated with the Holy Spirit's guidance through the Word, and my future hope is secure in a God whose promises are sure.

So, as I sat there after Group Redemption explaining to Dan & Will what God was doing and as the scales were lifted, I could be real and transparent as the Holy Spirit was knocking down my castle gate with the battering ram of His grace to show me my weakness and give me hope again. Breakthroughs are unnerving because of the "hugeness" of the issues presented, but exciting because it's evident to me that God is on the move in my life to continue to bring me to repentance and further obedience to make me holy like He's holy.